Jerry Shkavritko

Stage 2 of 20

Responsibility

Accept that your choices are yours. You choose your thoughts, actions and results.

Core Question

Am I the author of my life, or a character in someone else's story?

What This Stage Teaches

Skill to Develop

Ownership: replacing "this happened to me" with "here is what I will do about it."

The Biblical Framework

  1. STOP BLAME-SHIFTING

    “And the man said, The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me the fruit of the tree and I took it. And the Lord God said to the woman, What have you done? And the woman said, I was tricked by the deceit of the snake and I took it.”

    Genesis 3:12-13
  2. REFUSE TO BLAME YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES

    “The soul which does sin will be put to death: the son will not be made responsible for the evil-doing of the father, or the father for the evil-doing of the son; the righteousness of the upright will be on himself, and the evil-doing of the evil-doer on himself.”

    Ezekiel 18:20
  3. CARRY YOUR OWN LOAD

    “But let every man make test of his work, and then will his cause for glory be in himself only, and not in his neighbour. Because every man is responsible for his part of the work.”

    Galatians 6:4-5
  4. OWN YOUR RESPONSE, NOT JUST YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES

    “As for you, it was in your mind to do me evil, but God has given a happy outcome, the salvation of numbers of people, as you see today.”

    Genesis 50:20
  5. STEWARD WHAT YOU'VE BEEN GIVEN

    “For it is as when a man, about to take a journey, got his servants together, and gave them his property, to everyone as he was able, and went on his journey. ... His lord said to him, Well done, good and true servant: you have been true in a small thing, I will give you control over great things: take your part in the joy of your lord. (excerpted from the fuller parable)”

    Matthew 25:14-30

Hill vs. Scripture

Hill

You and only you are responsible for your success or failure.

Scripture

You are responsible for your response, even when you are not responsible for what happened to you. Joseph didn't cause his suffering, but he owned what he did with it.

The Hard Questions

Exercise

The Excuse Inventory

List the three excuses you reach for most often. Next to each, write the responsible alternative action you're avoiding by using it.

RESPONSIBILITY: Stop outsourcing blame; whatever else is true about your circumstances, your response is always yours to own.

Stories for This Stage

From Scripture

After their father Jacob dies, Joseph's brothers panic. They assume that without him around to restrain Joseph, he'll finally take revenge for what they did to him years earlier, selling him into slavery out of jealousy. They send word begging for mercy, even inventing a deathbed instruction from their father to justify it. When Joseph hears their plea, he weeps. His brothers come and fall down before him, offering to become his slaves. His answer is the whole point: "You meant evil against me, but God meant it for good." He doesn't pretend what they did was fine, and he doesn't deny how much it cost him. He simply refuses to let their choice determine his. The wrong was theirs. What he did with it was his. Genesis 50:15-21.

My Story

Earlier in Valverax's history, one supplier made up the majority of our sales. Over time, that supplier's sales rep decided to drop us as a dealer. Along the way, he also took our top sales rep at the time and spread word through the dealer community that made us look bad.

My first reaction was anger. How could they do this to me? Steal my rep, drop us, and spread rumors about us on top of it? It felt completely unfair, and in a lot of ways it was.

The final straw, from their side, was a sale we made in another dealer's territory. The lead had actually come from the supplier's own sales rep, forwarded to us by mistake. Before running with it, the sales rep working it for us (the same one who was later poached) asked me whether he should. I told him to double check with the supplier's rep first, then left it at that.

Looking back, that gap was mine to own. I should have picked up the phone and confirmed the lead with the supplier's rep myself instead of leaving it to my rep to sort out. That became the excuse the supplier needed to drop us, take our best rep, and talk badly about us to their dealer network. But I can't control what someone else decides is best for them; the rep was free to go wherever he wanted, and so was the supplier. All I can actually control is improving the company, myself, and the environment around me. So that's where I put my energy. We were already working with another supplier on a different product line, and we expanded into their products in a similar category to replace what we'd lost.